Summer is here!

Can it be that school is over and the kids are home already? Ask your kids . . . yes it’s true! For those of us who enter this season with a lot of joy (no homework, no rushing out the door in the morning, etc.) and a bit of trepidation (are they really going to need entertainment all day – everyday?!), here’s a tip someone shared with me a few years ago.

Low expectations produce HUGE results!

Add more to the back burner, so to speak. Allow yourself and your kids moments or even days of relaxation. If the goal is to do less, whether it is housework or adventures, the stress level will be lower, there will be fewer raised voices, and the joy will naturally be on the rise. Conjure up a stressful memory for you and your kids last summer and try to think of a way now not to allow it to happen again this year.

Here’s to many popsicles, new friends and lots of fun!

Most of us are blessed with friends. Some have that best friend or sister who allows their world to be a better place, and others have their orbit that makes life exciting.  An 80 year-old woman who’s able to make it through the day because her friend picked her up and took her out to lunch surely understands the value of friendship. Our kids may not actually know this value, but they certainly appreciate their friends and playmates. Help your kids verbalize this to themselves and each other. They’ll start to build up vocabulary that will help them as their friendships mature.

Choosing to be a good friend and working on being a great one will make us better people and allow us to surround ourselves with more and more friends. Life is fun with friends! Take a minute to call a friend to tell them one thing that they did that really meant a lot to you.

People often tell me they can’t imagine me speaking harshly to my children – I work VERY hard at not doing so, but I fail! Perhaps I started SpeakNicely because I had an extra sensitivity to the downside of failing in this way with our kids; but I still fail.

A few weeks ago, after an extra long episode of crying and whining, I told one of my younger children (in front of the others) that she was acting like a crybaby. I was hoping to diffuse the situation, give myself something to laugh about (my other kids sure did!) but of course she didn’t stop crying and now weeks later, my kids still remind me of the time I “called her a crybaby.” I’m not perfect and most of us aren’t either.

BUT – if we’ve committed to ourselves that we want to find the best in others, and we want to use the power of our words only for good, we are already more than halfway to perfection.

Some of us actually do save our Mother’s Day cards, but whether or not we do, most of us want to do so, especially the adorable ones from our younger children. We look at them a few times. We re-read them. Why is that? Because the words our children write are so unfettered, they’re not complicated, our kids write from the heart.

One of my children wrote me a poem with a line that read: “You are as unique as a cat without fur.” Of course I burst out laughing, and the rest of the poem was equally funny and sweet. I keep remembering different lines from each of my kids’ cards. Our children’s words are powerful avenues into their souls. The reason we cherish what they write to us is because we also understand the power of words. We see the positive effects they have on us. We just need to remember that, and continue to work on choosing our own words carefully while generously offering kind words to our kids – they also remember what we say!

I was at a celebration for a friend’s son last week and heard a tale that I had to share.

A long time ago, a king was choosing his successor from his two sons: one was bright, tall, handsome and capable and the other, not so. The one who didn’t measure up knew this was the case, but felt he had a shot of impressing his father. After many attempts at doing so (haven’t we all?!?) on the final day of judgment the two sons were to appear on the grounds of the castle for inspection. That morning, the king found the lacking son digging a small ditch where they were to stand. When the king inquired, his son told him that he was digging it for his brother to stand in so that if he could be equal in size to his brother, perhaps then he would have an equal chance at winning the king’s approval. With empathy the king explained to his son that forcing another to stand lower will never actually build one up. Each needs to build his own mound to stand on – of good deeds and character traits – to be a bigger person. Here’s to building ourselves up!

Why are news outlets picking up on SpeakNicely?!?!

I’m a mom of a bunch of little kids, why do FOX & NBC care what I have to say?!? Because gossip has gotten so out of control in our culture that cynicism is the norm and our children are being invited into a world of verbal violence – a strong term for what can actually happen on social networking websites today.

I don’t want my kids to slide down this dangerous slope. SpeakNicely offers an antidote. When children are presented an alternative, of course they will gravitate to what is good. When we share good thoughts, speak kindly, or even give a compliment, the person (adult or child) on the receiving end has a nice feeling about themselves. That’s a pretty powerful thing we each have access to in our daily lives. When we empower our children and those around us with these abilities they will be happy, self-assured, loving and loved people.

SpeakNicely is creating a movement – help me realize my vision for our children! Share Your Power & buy a tee!

A quick google search of “local gossip sites” produced an astounding 11.3 million hits! This generation of children is being bombarded, and without an antedote like SpeakNicely they will naturally follow this sad trend. Children imitate their parents, especially when it comes to speech. A powerful study has shown that happy couples/families have a 20:1 ratio of positive to negative comments when dealing with each other.

It takes work, but we have the power to help our children grow. We have a big trip to take on a long road, but we can do it. Thanks for allowing us to be on this ride with you!

We are well into our month of resolutions and as always we’re doing well on some and not so well on others. Of course we know it’s okay – today is a new day.

We speak all day long. When we make the conscious effort to add something positive to our interactions, especially with our kids, we are succeeding in defining ourselves as who we HOPE to be, rather than a default setting of who we are at that moment. Humans are powerful creatures. We have the power of speech. No other live being has this power. Sure a parrot can imitate sound, but a thinking being who can formulate thoughts and put them into words has a power that only belongs to us.

Knowing that we are special and unique is the only way we can appreciate someone else’s uniqueness. Speech itself grants us this unique quality. If nothing else is working for you today, use your words to make your day and that of those around you better.

We often overlook gratitude about the big things – health, a home, family; until of course something happens and momentarily we grasp the tremendous gratitude we have. It’s probably impossible to change that, and we can’t walk around awed by our own existence 24/7. What we can do though is to incorporate gratitude into our daily lives, especially with our children.

Nothing in life is coming to us. And, whatever does, if we can be thankful and verbally acknowledge our gratitude we will appreciate these blessings even more. When a spouse goes to work and brings home the paycheck, we should say thank you to that person for working so hard for us. When a spouse stays at home and keeps the home running (refrigerator stocked, children bathed, etc.) we should verbally acknowledge them. These two very small words mean so much to us. They validate our efforts and they teach children to be appreciative. When our children hear this verbalization they will have infinitely more gratitude for things they otherwise would have thought was just due to them.

I thought I was an appreciative person. I see the blessings I have in my life. But after working on this for some time, the amazing thing is that I do appreciate so much more in my life. And, awesomely enough, the people in my home are more appreciative too!

SpeakNicely was founded to serve as a reminder to  ourselves and our children of the POWER we possess with our own speech.

When we share good thoughts, speak kindly, or even give a compliment, the person (adult or child) on the receiving end has a good feeling about themselves. That’s a pretty powerful thing we each have access to in our daily lives.

Even more importantly, when we infuse our homes and lives with positive speech we are modeling this power to our children who will become adults who see the world in a more positive light. They will share their positive attitudes; and this will certainly lead them to have happier more productive existences. And really, isn’t that what it’s all about?