I finally heard the “story” of a woman I have known for years. I have only known Anita as a mother, a grandmother, an accomplished artist and a successful teacher. We do not often get to hear the full background for acquaintances, and of course we paint our own picture of their reality.

We had the occasion to speak at length and she told me how she became and artist & art teacher. Encouraged by her parents, she studied art and music from a young age. She liked both, but her passion was music. She didn’t feel particularly accomplished in either, but she LOVED music. Her music teacher never gave her positive feedback, never complimented her on talent, and only criticized “Your fingering isn’t good; your timing is off, etc.” In her teenage years, an art teacher recognized her talent, commented on it and after some prodding, suggested she apply to the Cleveland Institute of Art. She was surprised, and although she was actually accepted, this accomplished artist probably wouldn’t even have applied had her teacher not told her she was talented. When her music teacher heard she was accepted to the art institute, he was shocked and said that she could have been accepted to a major music program. Anita couldn’t believe it! This person who had never even given a compliment for her talent thought that she was gifted enough to have been accepted into a major music program???

Anita stayed with art, and has had a wonderful life and career. But, despite the fact that her passion was music, she has never touched an instrument since those days.

As adults, we have tremendous power when it comes to helping children find and see their own talents. Everyone has talents: some are gifted socially and they make their friends feel good on the playground, some are funny and can make others laugh easily. Some kids are learners and readers and love to learn facts which they might use later to save the world! The list goes on; try to help a child today see something amazing about themselves!


The most surprising aspect of working on SpeakNicely over the past two years, has been the incredible number of inspiring and often painful stories people have shared. There are the sweet ones about “the new kid in school” who is welcomed by one child who steps up with open arms and a warm smile. Others, painful to even listen to, about the young children, third and fourth graders, who are tormented for any number of reasons by their classmates, while adults sit idly by. And of course there are the ones from deep in our own memory banks that still sit too close to the surface: the 40 year old mother who recalls vividly being called racist insults in high school; the 65 year old beautiful GRANDmother who can still hear the voices of those calling her ugly and fat as a child.

We know that words have power. We just have to help our children remember how much power, and the awesome fact that this power can be used for good! SpeakNicely has been asked to appear on Southern California’s #1 morning news program, and we would like to share some of your stories. Please send your contact info and story to: info@speaknicely.com

My good friend Noah is a rock-star. He plays all around the world. Groupies follow him. He’s incredibly talented; and to hear his songs, is like being transported to a special place where all is good in the world.

For the past few years, he’s taken a side gig as a holiday cantor for a century-old synagogue with a tiny congregation. It’s obviously his smallest gig, but the impact is huge. After his first year, one of the members approached him with a word to share. Noah didn’t know what to expect. This was an elderly, brusque gentleman and he was eager to get his words off his chest. Noah listened as the man told a short tale of his first Yom Kippur after being liberated from a Holocaust concentration camp. The man said that it was the most meaningful Yom Kippur of his life, and he was even able to remember the sheer sweetness of the makeshift cantor’s voice from that incredibly special day so many decades later. Finally, he told Noah that until that very day, he had never heard a voice so sweet. And then with tears in his eyes, he thanked Noah for coming to their small synagogue.

Noah gets accolades all the time; but never has one been as good as that one. He reminds us of this man’s words each year when he returns. And it’s so clear how much his words meant to Noah. We can never forget the power of our words.

Summer is here!

Can it be that school is over and the kids are home already? Ask your kids . . . yes it’s true! For those of us who enter this season with a lot of joy (no homework, no rushing out the door in the morning, etc.) and a bit of trepidation (are they really going to need entertainment all day – everyday?!), here’s a tip someone shared with me a few years ago.

Low expectations produce HUGE results!

Add more to the back burner, so to speak. Allow yourself and your kids moments or even days of relaxation. If the goal is to do less, whether it is housework or adventures, the stress level will be lower, there will be fewer raised voices, and the joy will naturally be on the rise. Conjure up a stressful memory for you and your kids last summer and try to think of a way now not to allow it to happen again this year.

Here’s to many popsicles, new friends and lots of fun!

Most of us are blessed with friends. Some have that best friend or sister who allows their world to be a better place, and others have their orbit that makes life exciting.  An 80 year-old woman who’s able to make it through the day because her friend picked her up and took her out to lunch surely understands the value of friendship. Our kids may not actually know this value, but they certainly appreciate their friends and playmates. Help your kids verbalize this to themselves and each other. They’ll start to build up vocabulary that will help them as their friendships mature.

Choosing to be a good friend and working on being a great one will make us better people and allow us to surround ourselves with more and more friends. Life is fun with friends! Take a minute to call a friend to tell them one thing that they did that really meant a lot to you.

People often tell me they can’t imagine me speaking harshly to my children – I work VERY hard at not doing so, but I fail! Perhaps I started SpeakNicely because I had an extra sensitivity to the downside of failing in this way with our kids; but I still fail.

A few weeks ago, after an extra long episode of crying and whining, I told one of my younger children (in front of the others) that she was acting like a crybaby. I was hoping to diffuse the situation, give myself something to laugh about (my other kids sure did!) but of course she didn’t stop crying and now weeks later, my kids still remind me of the time I “called her a crybaby.” I’m not perfect and most of us aren’t either.

BUT – if we’ve committed to ourselves that we want to find the best in others, and we want to use the power of our words only for good, we are already more than halfway to perfection.

Some of us actually do save our Mother’s Day cards, but whether or not we do, most of us want to do so, especially the adorable ones from our younger children. We look at them a few times. We re-read them. Why is that? Because the words our children write are so unfettered, they’re not complicated, our kids write from the heart.

One of my children wrote me a poem with a line that read: “You are as unique as a cat without fur.” Of course I burst out laughing, and the rest of the poem was equally funny and sweet. I keep remembering different lines from each of my kids’ cards. Our children’s words are powerful avenues into their souls. The reason we cherish what they write to us is because we also understand the power of words. We see the positive effects they have on us. We just need to remember that, and continue to work on choosing our own words carefully while generously offering kind words to our kids – they also remember what we say!

I was at a celebration for a friend’s son last week and heard a tale that I had to share.

A long time ago, a king was choosing his successor from his two sons: one was bright, tall, handsome and capable and the other, not so. The one who didn’t measure up knew this was the case, but felt he had a shot of impressing his father. After many attempts at doing so (haven’t we all?!?) on the final day of judgment the two sons were to appear on the grounds of the castle for inspection. That morning, the king found the lacking son digging a small ditch where they were to stand. When the king inquired, his son told him that he was digging it for his brother to stand in so that if he could be equal in size to his brother, perhaps then he would have an equal chance at winning the king’s approval. With empathy the king explained to his son that forcing another to stand lower will never actually build one up. Each needs to build his own mound to stand on – of good deeds and character traits – to be a bigger person. Here’s to building ourselves up!

Why are news outlets picking up on SpeakNicely?!?!

I’m a mom of a bunch of little kids, why do FOX & NBC care what I have to say?!? Because gossip has gotten so out of control in our culture that cynicism is the norm and our children are being invited into a world of verbal violence – a strong term for what can actually happen on social networking websites today.

I don’t want my kids to slide down this dangerous slope. SpeakNicely offers an antidote. When children are presented an alternative, of course they will gravitate to what is good. When we share good thoughts, speak kindly, or even give a compliment, the person (adult or child) on the receiving end has a nice feeling about themselves. That’s a pretty powerful thing we each have access to in our daily lives. When we empower our children and those around us with these abilities they will be happy, self-assured, loving and loved people.

SpeakNicely is creating a movement – help me realize my vision for our children! Share Your Power & buy a tee!